reality check…

Jun 6, 2011

All this humbling sounds so unrealistic doesn’t it?

Is complete God-centeredness really possible? Is absolute selflessness attainable?


Do not become consumed with thinking about how selfish you are. As moms we  already feel so much guilt, we do not need to beat ourselves over the head with more guilt about being self-centered.

I am not going to be completely selfless. But perhaps my life can be a little more peaceful and life-giving if I encounter difficult situations and relationships with the mindset that it’s not all about me. For example…

Reality check: Your husband tells you he will be home at a certain time. That time comes and goes and he’s not home yet. He hasn’t called, texted or emailed to let you know why he is late.  You are supposed to be somewhere and will most definitely be late.

photo by Niklas

Option 1–the “me” centered reaction:  Extreme frustration. Thoughts creep in like: “is it too much to ask that he communicates why he is late?”, “i don’t require a lot, i give and give and give…” or “am I not important enough to make a priority?”.  You may slam a few cabinet doors while making dinner. say a few angry words to toddler audience who have no clue why you are so upset all of the sudden.

Option 2the “He” centered reaction: Calm. Peaceful. Grace filled thoughts fill your mind, like: “I’m sure he has a legitimate reason why he is running late”, “I hope he is okay and hasn’t been in an accident” or “Even though he’s late I’m sure God will work out the details.” Your children have no clue that anything abnormal is going on.

photo by Kyle Slattery

Which option do you think I chose the other night when I found myself in this “example”? (when i say the other night, i mean the night before i launched my blog…so don’t think for a moment that i have this thing called humility figured out yet).

Immediately went to option 1…not so pretty. I verbalized my anger to him over the phone…with my children in ear shot. I made sure it was clear that his behavior was not okay…because I am that important. right?

There are countless examples of situations in which my anger/frustration with my husband and my children is a direct result of thinking I am worthy of more. 

The reality is there will continue to be countless examples. However, now I can be aware of why I am so angry/frustrated. I can apologize to my family for my reactions and I can once again humble myself to place God back in His proper position and me back in mine…on my knees!

Can anyone relate? Share a time you had a “me” centered reaction or maybe we can celebrate with you when you chose a “He” centered reaction.


  1. Tracy Zeleskey

    Were you a fly on the wall in my house a couple of weeks ago? This exact example has been an issue for us and unfortunately I chose Option 1!

  2. KellySinging

    Great post! Thanks for being vulnerable. We are all working toward building the correct habit pattern. Thankfully the me-centered reactions get further and further apart and the God-centered actions get closer together as we do this.

  3. Holly Ramsey

    I am so enjoying the clip art in this post. And of course the content too, but the clip art really made me laugh. I hope I don’t look like that first mom.

    • Heather MacFadyen

      ha! i know pretty bad huh? It was fun to try to find the best “angry” mom and “peaceful” mom.

  4. Kathryn

    Very very good, wish I could say i never choose option one…but that would be a lie. Working on a God centered life.

    • Heather MacFadyen

      doesn’t feel good to know we have reacted with option 1 but at least we are aware enough to maybe go back and make amends. not easy but good. even though we won’t achieve selflessness at least we are trying! right? thanks kathryn!

  5. Janel

    Oh, yeah…just the other day (my birthday). It didn’t go like I thought it might. The girls were complaining, crying and griping all day, I wanted to go hiking with the fam the day before and my hubby changed the plans on me (which included people tramping in our house with video equipment, which meant I “had to” mop the floors on my birthday:), and chores and buying gifts were saved to do last minute. And, yes, I exploded, yelling and crying ….in front of the kids, of course. Soon after, I said to Jason, “what is wrong with me!” I apologized to the girls and Jason. I feel so bad that I was so selfish that I thought everyone was going to make my day perfect. Really it isn’t about me. And I should be grateful to have a loving family who tries to make my day awesome:)


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