For the mom who wants to do a better job…

Nov 4, 2013

I read Bruce a blog post written by a mom who works outside the home. In that post she shared the challenges of Sunday night preparations for the week ahead.  His unexpected response was:

So, does any mom think she is doing a good job?

{blank stare}

“Um, well. Hmmm. I can’t really think of anyone I know who is 100% confident she’s a great mom.”

He continued, “Why do you think that is?”

{longer pause}

“Maybe it’s the enormity of the job. It’s not like laying bricks or making coffee. These are future adults in the making. If we don’t do the right thing these adults could end up pretty messed up. There is no assurance we are moving in the right direction. Having never done the job before, it’s hard to know what’s ‘right’ and so we look around at how our friends do the same job. Then we read ‘manuals’ on how others think we should do this job (sometimes contradictory approaches). We fall on our face and cry and question and mess up a lot.”

“Can I just say I think you are doing a fabulous job. The fact that y’all care so much and want to read books and learn about how to be a great mom. Doesn’t that inherently mean you are doing a better job than most moms?”

{he’s a good man and he makes a good point}

We do care.

We feel the guilt and shame of losing our patience. The regrets hit when our head hits the pillow. We recount the mistakes of the day, the ways we could have listened better, played more, and yelled less. We care about their hearts.

Yet do I ever count all the wins of the day? The number of times I did listen or negotiate or encourage or feed hungry souls. 

We see the best version of ‘that’ mom and fall way short. Focusing on the one area of motherhood she has mastered yet ignoring the 3 or 4 other areas she struggles. We try to be all the kinds of mom at once: crafty mom, organized mom, fun mom, healthy mom, spiritual mom, and patient mom. We care about their experiences.

Yet do I remember God made me to be his mom?

We pick up the middle child from school and hear he visited the director’s office twice in one 5-hour day. We question all of our discipline methods. Maybe we need more consequences or maybe if we connected to his heart more or… We care about their behavior.

Do I remember only God can change his heart?

We hear them complain because the free toy that came in their happy meal wasn’t the one they wanted. They whine for one more piece of candy. They beg to watch another movie. We feel the weight of raising entitled children. We care about their character.

How often do I take my children for granted? The opportunity to mother a healthy child. Am I an entitled mother?

We read how we should pray more and say less. Doesn’t that family have a morning devotion time? We’ve pinned a link to memory verses for every letter of the alphabet. Maybe the problem with our family is we aren’t “religious enough”. We care about their souls.

Do I remember God is with me (and my children). He never changes. He loves us and simply wants our love in return.

What if we all need to just take one giant breath?

Realize we are doing a great job simply because we care and want to do a better job.

Yes, there are areas we could do better but God is big enough to fill in the gaps.

David beat Goliath not because he was the best warrior but because he had God on His side. 

What a privilege to be challenged so beyond our ability we must rely on our great God. Because if we could be a great mom on our own, then we wouldn’t need God. We would miss out on working with Him to grow these children into adults- to cheerlead them into the Kingdom.

God has called you to see the invisible & do the impossible.

God has not called you to do the things you can do.

He’s called you to do the things that you’ll never be able to do in a billion years.

This great God that we serve will throw us into situations beyond us

with no other thought than His great heart will sustain us. -Graham Cooke

Today when you start to feel like you are not doing a good job as a mom, go to Him. God will sustain you. When you think you just can’t do it. Remember He is right there standing with you.

you (good mom) + God (perfect parent) = BEST MOM EVER!!

You could do a better job. But thank goodness you don’t.

Do you believe you are a good mom? Do you know you are doing a good job?

Next time my husband asks, “So does any mom think she is doing a good job?”

I can tell him about the army of God-centered moms who chant,

“We are doing a great job because God is on our side!!!” 


  1. sjmarr

    Love this! Thanks so much for the encouragement, Heather!

    • Heather MacFadyen

      thanks sweet friend! great to see you yesterday!

  2. Crystal S.

    I needed to read this today, as I started a new week with a sick kiddo, a birthday party to plan, guilt over all the things I can’t get her, leaving for work this morning as she sobbed big tears in her carseat as daddy took her to daycare. But. God chose me to be her mom…in this season…doing these things.

    • Heather MacFadyen

      friend. that’s a whole bunch for a post-time-change-Monday…and YES! God totally chose you to be her mom b/c He knew y’all were the perfect match! hope you find sweet blessings in your reuniting this afternoon. Praying for quick healing and supernatural bday party planning skills.

  3. Sara

    Thank you so much, this was straight from God’s heart to mine today! Took notes in my journal to remember 🙂

    • Heather MacFadyen

      oh sara! Thankful to be a part of God’s work in your life. May He continue to guide you throughout the day…and this week!

    • Heather MacFadyen

      thanks Julie for your encouragement!

  4. Teri Lynne Underwood

    Oh this … just yes!! Thank you, Heather, for these words. I’m finding the more I lean into Christ and savor time in His presence, the more I see others {and even myself!} the way He does … with grace and love and patience and that kindness that says, “It’s okay. Really.”

    • Heather MacFadyen

      Hey Teri Lynne! So thankful you were blessed. Love what you said, “the more I lean into Christ…the more I see others the way He does”. Eyes to see as He does. What a gift!

  5. erin d.

    Wow. Such a great post. Really been struggling lately because I’m not the mom I hoped I would be right now. Thanks for bringing truth to light for me in this post. He IS on my side.

  6. Christin

    This is so beautiful! It compliments the post I wrote today on being a dedicated mother. So, so good. Thank you Heather!

  7. Erin

    That is one of my favorite parts of that message from Graham Cooke!!! Good words from The Lord today! Thanks friend!

  8. Hayley

    Thanks so much for these reminders – I do all those things… Wonder how I can change their behavior, should I try time out or spankings, etc. I especially love the part about God choosing me to be THEIR mom. And that is perfect. God is speaking through you!

  9. Narelle

    Hi Heather

    Thank you so much for your encouragement. I always appreciate your honesty, especially as I feel like so often I am not as gentle or patient or as giving of time as I would like to be with my little man. This post was especially good as I need to celebrate the things I do do well and to see God with me in that.

    I read your blog during “rest time” and when my 2 year old got up, decided to put aside the dishes – my usual task to get done whilst he has his snack, and joined him for afternoon tea. I asked him what he wanted to do for the afternoon and he said “dancing”. So we put on the music – a mix of The Wiggles, McFly, worship music and some rock and roll and had a great time together. And I thought, this is the thing that I do well as a mummy. I don’t do it often enough, but I am the dancing mum and I trust that when I show him that we can dance in worship that that touches his soul.

    Be encouraged, you are ministering to a whole load of us who are shaping “future adults in the making”.


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