New Years Eve I was grieving. While others were filled with hope for what the next year held I was dreading 2012. This year begins with the final two months of pregnancy. When I am physically challenged and emotionally reactive while trying to be the mother I want to be.
Even though I’m excited to meet this precious life that will join our family, I’ve walked this road before…sleepless nights, endless feedings, juggling it all. I’m grieving the loss of more of myself. The self-centered side of me, my pride, is screaming, “no!! not again!!”.
The morning of December 31st I sat in my chair, the place I meet with Him. I cried out: “Fill me with joy Lord. Make me content. Give me eyes to see blessings instead of challenges. Focus my heart on Your vision for this year. I need you right now!”
I opened my Priscilla Shirer “He Speaks to Me” study and her writing directed me to open His Word. And He spoke to me…
“Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
…And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” 1 Peter 5:5b-10
Thank you Lord. Thank you for reminding me that I started this blog as a chronicle of my own journey to humility. Thank you that when I am humbled you will lift me up in due time. That “time” may not be in 2012. I may need this year as a refining year. That giving up my body and “suffering for a little while”, is only so You can restore me and make me “strong, firm and steadfast”. Thank you for the ability to “cast my anxiety” on You because You care for me.
While others make big plans for 2012 that include traveling to exotic places, writing ebooks, and starting new ministries, I need to trust in You alone.
The next Scripture I am directed to is…
“You who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.’
Why you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.
What is your life?
You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
Instead you should say, ‘If it’s the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.'” James 4:13-15
My prayer is… “If it is your will Lord.” Direct my steps this year. I will not resolve to make the year what I think it should be. My plan is only to follow Your plan. Thank you Lord for reminding me of the original vision of this blog: To be God-centered. To be humbled. To relentlessly replace ‘me’ with ‘He’.
My goal with this blog in 2012 is to post as the Spirit leads. To continue to chronicle the humbling process of motherhood. To direct others to Him so we can all be humbled (God-centered). To offer my struggles as a sacrifice for His glory and to minister to other moms.
May we all “come near to God & he will come near” to us (James 4:8).
Thank you for sharing honestly about the challenges of a newborn and motherhood. As a mom whose youngest child is turning 22 in February I am here to remind you:
“This too shall pass.”
Take it one day at a time, organize to spend individual time with each child every week, and before you know it they will be grown. Like me you will have the sweetest memories and so much gratitude and joy for having made it through to a time when you can share your life with your favorite people in the world: your adult children who are fully functioning in the world on their own.
God’s will be done on earth as it is in heaven,
Great post! thanks for your honesty. I’ll be praying for you these next couple months and the transition for you and your family. Looking forward to keeping up with you and your blog. Hang in there sister!
Beautiful reflections, Heather. Give us joy and contentment, Lord!
I have so been there. What I can promise you is that when you can’t take another step – He will be there. You will love this little one madly. You will find the end of yourself and then Him. You will breathe in and out. Grace will cover you. And it will be just as He plans it.
Heather, you are beautiful inside and out. You are an inspiration and God is pleased with you I am sure for humbling yourself as you minister to so many of us. Thank you for sharing your heart and struggles.
Even with only just had my second baby, I have had these thoughts. Mix that with crazy hormones and recovering from delivery, let’s just say God forced me to turn directly to Him. I needed it and I also needed to read your post today. What a joy our children are, but as you have said before, parenting is part of our mission field and it can be challenging at times. I have thought of you often since O’s birth. I love and admire you for adding to God’s kingdom.
Parenting is such a humbling role isn’t it? We adopted our son and I felt some of these same things. Thank you for sharing your heart.